Paradise Valley, Phoenix, AZ

Alice Cooper, Stevie Nicks, Hugh Downs, the guy who drew the Family Circus cartoons, Barry Goldwater, columnist Erma Bombeck, porn star Jenna Jameson, Mike Tyson, Sandra Day O'Connor, and Dan Quayle either live or lived in Paradise Valley (although they didn't all go to the same parties).

 Professional athletes, heirs to fortunes, CEOs, and wealthy Midwesterners all like living here.

Paradise Valley bars and restaurants are not about watching the game with the guys or hooking up with the hotties. Think having a drink with your rich aunt once a year, and you've nailed it. El Chorro Lodge on Lincoln Drive is a local institution. It's been around since 1937, and it has a cool old-Arizona vibe, with a beautiful desert setting. The crowd's average is 78, but they know how to make a stiff drink, and you can order old favorites like prime rib, trout, and lamb chops (or a chicken fried steak for $29). Perfect place to go with a girl who likes to wear dresses or a guy who likes to wear ties. No one will have a fit if you light a cigarette on the patio. Think John Wayne when he's off the set.

 Sanctuary is the latest resort in town, and it's of the chic and sleek variety. Sanctuary does not have a chicken fried steak for $29 or any other price, although if you're staying there and want one, it will be brought to you. Favored by Hollywood stars like Jennifer Aniston and Vince Vaughn when they want to get away from it all. It's perched on a mountainside, has unbelievable views, and could easily lend itself to a couture ad in Vogue.

The closest thing to a neighborhood bar is the Cork & Cleaver, on 44th Street and Camelback in Phoenix. You've got to drive southwest around the end of Camelback Mountain and a bit into Phoenix, but that's where PV guys go to watch the game, get out of the house, and eye the gorgeous waitresses.

It costs anywhere from about $2,000 per month for a five-bedroom, four bath with mountain views, jet tubs, and a pool (no pets) to $35,000 per month for a six-bedroom, eight-(full) bath with lagoon pool, clay tennis court, outdoor fireplaces, formal library, and - oh, forget about it. It goes on and on forever. Anyone paying $35,000 for rent needs to be smacked in the head, but it's an example of what's for rent in the town.

You don't see Paradise Valley guest houses up for rent. You can sometimes find a guest house in Scottsdale if you're lucky, but to rent a guest house in Paradise Valley, you need to know the right people.

Phoenix is like Los Angeles in that we're car slaves. Gotta drive, everywhere. If you do not have to drive, it's worthy of mention. The bus system is beyond awful in frequency. Forty-five minute waits at stops are the norm. You also need a PhD to understand the schedule. Add in five months of 100-degree-and-up temperatures, and it's obvious buses are only for masochists and people who cannot drive for one reason or another.

The bus line doesn't run through Paradise Valley. It's cab country if you need a ride.

Rental terms here are going to be strict, if you can afford it at all. There will be sizeable deposits, stern credit checks, and a glance outside the leasing office window at what you're driving. There's not a lot of competition to rent in Paradise Valley, so don't worry about being beaten to the leasing office the day the listing appears.

If you're squeamish about wildlife, don't rent on or at the foot of the mountains. Snakes crawl in arcadia doors, raccoons meander by, and coyotes can and do eat pets. One resident on the east face of Mummy Mountains had five cats before he found a pair who got smart about being inside after dark. Coyotes won't hurt people, but they will snap up a cat or a Shih-Tzu in front of your eyes. They've also snatched parrots from cages with open doors.

If your dog somehow becomes bored living on five acres with a pool and longs for company, the closest dog park is Chaparral Park Dog Park at 5401 North Hayden Road in Scottsdale. It's four acres, with three acres of grass. There are separate areas for active dogs and their older, mellower counterparts. There is seating, play areas, water fountains, and hundreds of dogs sniffing, galloping, and chasing balls. Dog lovers drive here from Phoenix because it's so much fun, for them as well as their hounds.

The most popular activity in Paradise Valley draws people from all over the Valley of the Sun: hiking the Echo Canyon Trail up the north face of Camelback Mountain to the peak. This trail may be in the middle of the country's biggest city, but it's one of the hardest trails in the entire state; plan on using your arms as much as your legs. Echo Canyon is also a popular destination for sport climbers, and bolts are fixed along most of the routes. Check out the Praying Monk if you're in the mood for something sketchy.

For nightlife, the bright lights of Scottsdale are a five-minute drive southeast and the slightly less-bright lights of the Camelback Corridor are about eight minutes southwest. Chances are if you're living in Paradise Valley you're older than 24 and will prefer the 30 to 50 crowd at Merc Bar at the Camelback Esplanade and Houston's.

Street noise isn't an issue. Even if you live on a busy street - and there are only two- your dwelling will be far enough from the pavement you won't hear it. Lincoln Drive - running east to west across the town - and Tatum Boulevard - running north to south - are Paradise Valley's two main drags. They're busy streets drivers use to save time between Phoenix and Scottsdale. Both have red light cameras at their major intersections, with the cameras at the intersection of the two streets being the most vehement. It seems almost anyone you talk to who has been "snapped" had their picture taken at Lincoln & Tatum. With almost no crime in PV, the town police dedicate themselves to apprehending leadfoots. Caveat chariot.

There are three directions you can head in for essentials.

Drive east on Lincoln Drive to where it meets Scottsdale Road for a strip mall complex anchored by an AJs Fine Foods. This is the Mercedes of grocery stores in the Valley of the Sun. Yes, Virginia, you can spend $5 on one tomato. It's going to be the best tomato you ever had in your life, however. Some items are reasonably-priced, so check out AJs to see what you can afford in an emergency. There's a gas station across from the AJs which does not have self-service and charges three times whatever the average price of gas is. A Trader Joe's is around the corner; great food and vastly lower prices. 

Drive south on Tatum / 44th Street to another Ajs, a Blockbuster, a bank, the Cork & Cleaver, a florist, a charming French breakfast place, expensive children's clothes, a pharmacy, a tailor, and a high-end gym called Le Village.

Drive north on Tatum to Fry's, Safeway, Marshall's, Paradise Valley Mall, Applebee's, etc., etc., etc. it goes on for miles. It's where normal people shop.

If you live in Paradise Valley, your kids get to go to the Scottsdale Unified School District, one of the best in the state. There are also four private schools in town. Camelback Desert and Tesseract Schools are for pre-school through eight grade. Kachina Country Day and Phoenix Country Day Schools both carry through 12th grade.